She found Anakin standing at a workbench in the garage, working on a part from the speeder bike.
"I brought you something to eat."
Anakin glanced at her, but immediately went back to work. She noted that he was exaggerating every movement, obviously frustrated, obviously distracted from the task at hand. "The shifter broke," he explained, too intently. "Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things. I'm good at fixing things. I always was. But I..."
Finally he slammed down the wrench he was using and just stood there, head bowed.
Padme recognized that he was on the verge of a collapse.
"Why did she have to die?" he mouthed quietly. Padme slid the tray down on the workbench and moved behind him, putting her arms about his waist and resting her head comfortingly on his back.
"Why couldn't I save her?" Anakin asked. "I know I could have."
"Annie, you tried." She squeezed him a bit tighter. "Sometimes there are things that no one can fix. You're not all-powerful."
He stiffened at her words and pulled away from her suddenly--and angrily, she realized. "But I should be!" he growled, and then he looked at her, his face a mask of grim determination. "And someday I will be!"
"Anakin, don't say such things," Padme replied fearfully, but he didn't even seem to hear her.
"I'll be the most powerful Jedi ever!" he railed on. "I promise you! I will even learn to stop people from dying!"
"Anakin--"
"It's Obi-Wan's fault!" He stormed across the room and slammed his fist onto the workbench again, nearly dislodging the plate of food. "He put me out of the way."
"To guard me," she said quietly.
"I should have been out with him, hunting the assassins! I'd have had them a long time ago, and would've gotten here in time and my mother would still be alive!"
"You can't know---"
"He's jealous of me," Anakin rambled on, paying no attention to her at all. He wasn't talking to her, she realized, but was just playing it all out verbally for himself. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. "He put me out of the way because he knows that I am already more powerful than he is. He's holding me back!"
He finished by picking up his wrench and throwing it across the garage, where it smashed against a far wall and clattered down among some spare parts.
"Anakin, what's wrong?" she cried at him.
Her volum and tone finally got his attention. "I just told you!"
"No!" Padme yelled back at him. "No. What's really wrong?"
Anakin just stared at her, and she knew that she was on to something.
"I know it hurts Anakin. But this is more than that. What's really wrong?"
He just stared at her.
"Annie?"
His body seemed to shrink then, and slump forward just a bit. "I...I killed them," he admitted, and if Padme hadn't run to him and grabbed him close, he would have fallen over. "I killed them all," he admitted. "They're dead. Every single one of them."
He looked at her then, and it seemed to her as if he had suddenly returned to her from somewhere far, far away.
"You did battle..." she started to reason.
He ignored her. "Not just the men," he went on. "And the men are the only fighters among the Tuskens. No, not just them. The women and children, too." His face contorted, as if he was teetering between anger and guilt. "They're like animals!" he said suddenly. "And I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!"
Padme sat back a bit, too stunned to respond. She knew that Anakin needed her to say something or to do something, but she was paralyzed. He wasn't even looking at her--he was just staring off into the distance. But then he lowered his head, and began to sob, his lean, strong shoulders shaking.
Padme pulled him in and hugged him close, never wanted to let him go. She still didn't know what to say.
"Why do I hate them?" Anakin asked her.
"Do you hate them, or do you hate what they did to your mother?"
"I hate them!" he insisted.
"And they earned your anger, Anakin."
He looked up at her, his eyes wet with tears. "But it was more than that," he started to say, and then he shook his head and buried his face against the softness of her breast.
A moment later, he looked back up, his expression showing that he was determined to explain. "I didn't...I couldn't..." He held one hand up outstretched, then clenched it into a fist. "I couldn't control myself," he admitted. "I...I don't want to hate them--I know that there is no place for hatred. But I just can't forgive them."
"To be angry is to be human," Padme assured him.
"To control your anger is to be a Jedi," Anakin was quick to reply, and he pulled away from her and stood up, turning to face the open door and the desert beyond.
Padme was right there beside him, draping her arms about him. "Shhh," she said softly. She kissed him gently on the cheek. "You're human."
"No, I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this." He looked at her directly, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"You're like everyone else," Padme said. She tried to draw closer, but Anakin held himself back from her.
He couldn't hold the pose of defiance for long, though, before he broke down again in sobs.
Padme was there to hold him and rock him and tell him that everything would be all right.
Tolles Material, vor allem Qui-Gons "Gastauftritt" gefällt mir.